When Crying Isn’t Healing…and How It Can Be

Do you ever cry and feel sadgirlworse afterwards? You feel drained and depleted.  Nothing has changed. Nothing is resolved.

You’re left with the same feelings that started your tears. You realize this isn’t the first time you’ve cried about this and probably isn’t the last.

The tears didn’t cleanse your soul or solve your problems. Old emotional pain wasn’t released from your body, but, dredged up and recycled.

How can you get out of this cycle?  How can you finally heal?

Lack of money was the trigger that made me cry. In my twenties, I’d cry over speeding tickets, auto repairs or unexpected bills. As a divorced mom, I felt poor and incapable of holding onto money. I believed I’d always be broke. I felt so sorry for myself.

When the tears came, my victim identity was running the show. I no longer could think clearly. I could only access my faults and failures.

Crying only reinforced my low self-esteem.

If crying makes you feel worse about yourself and your life, then you’re recycling pain. You aren’t gaining greater clarity or insight. You aren’t healing. You probably aren’t going to do anything differently because your mind has given you proof in memories and thoughts that you or your situation is hopeless.

These type of crying spells steal your power and reinforce negative beliefs you have about yourself and your ability to change your life.  They keep you stuck.

How do you get out of this cycle? How can crying be a healing experience?

Face it. You’re going to cry. It’s necessary and natural. You don’t want to hold in all these feelings. But, crying to reinforce that you’re hopeless or a failure won’t serve you.

Crying is healthy when you’re letting something go, or when you’re frustrated or overwhelmed. And, of course, it’s appropriate when you feel sad or joyful. All this energy builds inside of you and needs a release.

How to Master The Art of Crying and Not Falling into Despair:

The key to a good, healthy cry is to stay aware.  Aware of your body, breath, surroundings, and thoughts. All of these create distance from the sadness and help broaden your perspective.

If you’re swamped in sadness, then you’ve lost yourself.  You’re inside the sadness, instead of the sadness being inside of you. You are larger than your sadness.

  • Remember you have a physical body. Your body is the container that holds your sadness.  Without a container, you’re overwhelmed and debilitated by your feelings. If you’re not feeling your body, you’ve disconnected from it. Reconnect to you body through movement or touch. You can shake out your arms or legs, shrug your shoulders or push your feet into the floor.
  • Start belly breathing. Breathe deeper and breathe all the way down into your belly.  Do this to regulate your breathing and keep you more in touch with your body.
  • Use the earth. Instead of letting your emotions pull your energy up, send the sadness down your legs and into the earth. Direct the sadness into the earth through your intention and breath. Feel the support of the chair or floor beneath you.
  • Notice negative thinking.  If your thoughts make you feel worse, choose empowering thoughts. Instead of self-defeating talk, tell yourself “I can handle this”, “I can be with my tears”, or “This will pass”. Challenge the truth of your thoughts, especially any “always” or “never” statements.

Ultimately, tears are only emotional energy moving through your body. It’s the unkind thoughts and beliefs about yourself or life that cause the pain.

Further Reading:  Avoid the Deep, Dark Hole