On a Caribbean cruise years ago, I eyed a diamond bracelet in a window display and remarked on its beauty. My slightly drunken husband said he would buy it for me. Tears rimmed my eyes.
The diamonds were intoxicating and the price tag was steep. His words shocked me as I never considered that he would buy me such an expensive piece of jewelry.
I attributed his generosity to too much wine and wondered if he would have made that offer if the store was still open.
Something in me was deeply touched. How could I receive such an expensive gift?
Was I truly worth it?
The next day we spoke about the bracelet. I felt it was impractical and couldn’t bear to think of him spending so much money on me. Once home, we would probably open up the credit card bill and regret the purchase. I rationalized that the markup on a cruise ship is enormous and we could find a similar bracelet back home for much less.
Other women may have snatched that diamond bracelet up in an instant or at least, gracefully accepted the gift. I comforted myself with the belief that my value isn’t reflected in material items.
But, the tears in my eyes and the tugging in my heart revealed a deeper story. I couldn’t accept the gift. I didn’t feel worthy. It felt like too much.
I struggled with receiving. When I say receiving, I mean the real receiving. Not the superficial receiving, usually said in a high voice, “Oh, this is great. Thanks so much” and then you turn your attention quickly to something else.
I’m talking about truly receiving something so deeply that your cells vibrate. As your heart opens, you experience an exquisite pain.
Here, your longing to receive meets your resistance to open and be vulnerable.
Is it safe to open? Can I receive this fully without having to do something, give something or be something other than I am?
Standing in front of the window display, I hadn’t yet discovered my essential nature, my inner radiance and my eternal Self. I identified with the girl who was not enough and unworthy of receiving beautiful gifts.
So, I rejected the gift. Ultimately, I rejected my Self.
That evening, the dazzling bracelet reflected my inner beauty. Only I couldn’t see it. Now, I know I shine more brightly than any diamond.
I AM priceless.
And so are you.